Musings of a Disturbed Mind

Death? The pain caused by the death of a loved one? This was a concept which was quite alien to me until I've experienced one in my own family. I've seen people pass away, but never have I at any point of time imagined that there would be pain which would be this bloodsucking. Never have I, in my wildest dreams imagined that it would be so painful and tearful. You can't even describe it as pain, it's way beyond that, it's crucifying agony. The conception of this pain, which was quite alien to me until the very recent past, now became a part of my daily routine of life.

It's been two months that you've left to your heavenly abode. But there hasn't been a single day since then, that has passed by without me crying at the reminiscence of your memories. There hasn't been a single day where I haven't thought of you, haven't recollected the healthier days of your past, haven't missed you as a whole, haven't missed you as a person, as my grandfather. You've been like my second father, my guardian. You've guided me, supported me, loved me more than you loved yourself. No matter how badly I've behaved with you, you've always loved me, always have forgiven me for all my mistakes. There have been a tonne of times when you've saved me from the anger of my own parents. I never realised all of this as your way of showing your love. I always knew you loved me, but never have I realised it's true depths.

They say
"It's only in the absence of something, you realise the true value of it"

I cannot compare you with a thing, but somehow the quote is perfectly apt. You never realise the love you have, until you've lost that love. Thatha, I never truly realised the value of you when you were alive with me, it's only after your death I realised your worth. I never knew I loved you this much, never. I love you. Though I know it's worthless to tell so, at this moment, yet I cannot refrain myself from telling that.

Your death has been an awakening to me. It was emotionally draining. It somehow has made me stronger as an individual. It made me realise the value of life.

But this one question has been plaguing me since your demise, I'm not sure if I can ever understand the concept of Death. A person once full of life and raw energy, after their demise just becomes lifeless, the whole of their energy is lost. Just gone. He's lifeless. Devoid of all the energy he once had.

Death, you're strangely an alien concept. You are strangely far away from my world yet too close too. You are somehow like the unpredictable future, which is inevitable to avoid but scary to face.

Death.... Pain. Love. Memories. Reminiscent nostalgia.